it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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