Just cropdusted the office
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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