Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
