my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
