WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
