Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
