my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
