Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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