Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
