Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
