So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I look better un-naked...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
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is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
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it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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