Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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