I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
