I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
