I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
