I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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