I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
