your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
