I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
