Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
