Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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