But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I came so hard my ears popped.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
