Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm at about main and main street
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
