So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
