Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
