I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.