this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?