Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.