Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????