no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
