Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
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You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid