Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.