Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Apparently you make a good broom.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it's like iHOP with fire
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work