This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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