we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
