But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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