So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
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He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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