I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
