I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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