it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
