Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize