Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
