my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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