suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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