I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
