I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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