dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
