3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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