You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
