You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Houston, we have a squirter
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
