I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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