Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
