I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
