I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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