Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
