Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He felt like a one man threesome
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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