Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
