Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It all started with a game of naked twister.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
