Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
