Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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