I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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