and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
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I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
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We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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