I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
