so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
How's work?
Spinning.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
