so that wasnt chicken after all
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
