im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
