Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
