New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
