My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
All I want is dick and wine.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
