I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
